


Audaces Fortuna Iuvat

by transubstantiate



Series: Bucky!Cap [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2014-07-25
Packaged: 2018-02-10 09:47:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2020443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transubstantiate/pseuds/transubstantiate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: "i see him, every time i close my eyes," bucky tells sam, and it feels like his voice is trying to claw its way out of him. "i see him falling, and it's stuck inside my head and i can't get away from it." "there's never any getting away from it," sam tells him. "there's only going forward." (again, courtesy of theladymonsters on tumblr)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Audaces Fortuna Iuvat

"I coulda reached him," Bucky says abruptly, with a challenge sparking in his voice. "I should have put my feet two inches further to the right. Then I would have better footing, could have leaned out farther and grabbed his hand before he slipped."

Sam carefully re-arranges his pamphlets before replying. “Maybe.”

"I know," Bucky says. "It would have worked. I’ve been over and over it in my head, I even looked up the math."

Sam nods. “Maybe,” he says again. “Maybe it would have worked. Or maybe the wind would have gotten him, or the train would have rattled and shaken him off. Maybe you would have grabbed him. Maybe you both would have fallen.”

"Falling would be better than this," Bucky whispers.

"If you’d fallen that day there would have been no one to fly that plane," Sam points out. "Millions and millions of innocent people would have died."

"Maybe," Bucky says cruelly, and is pleased to see a faint line appear between Sam’s brows, however briefly.

"Look, I know what it’s like," Sam finally tells him, after taking a minute to compose himself. "I lost my partner the same way."

That’s like ice, all over Bucky’s insides, and he can’t help but listen to Sam talk about Riley, can’t help but hear his own nightmares repeated back to him in different vernacular.

"You see him fall, don’t you?" Sam asks, and Bucky nods, voiceless. "Me too. Every night. Most days."

"How do you…how do you stand it?"

"I get up," Sam says very quietly. "I get up, and I remember Riley. I remember that he was a good man. I remember that he served his country to the best of his ability, with the last measure of his courage. I remember that he knew the risks when he signed up, and he signed up anyway. I remember that it could have just as easily been me in his place."

"Does that help?"

"Some days, no."

"What do you do then?"

"I eat breakfast." 

Bucky laughs, surprised, confused, and a pleased grin wicks over Sam’s face.

"You ever heard of Marvin Gaye, man?" he asks, and Bucky shakes his head.


End file.
